Does love really hurt?
I've
heard many people say that it is not love that hurts people, but it’s the
people who get hurt due to their actions. But, I blame "love,"
because most of the problems start only after when you start loving a person,
and fixing him or her in your heart as your life or future.
Based
on my experience, I started thinking what could be the reason to get hurt, even
though one has a good companion, who is sweet, lovable, and funny, and of
course caring. Women like me do not tend to be satisfied only with these
qualities in a man. We expect more. Yes, finally I found the reason. I'm
expecting more.
After
dating (in foreign countries, even in India) or after a friendly relationship,
only the good qualities (don't think I'm rude. I meant the qualities we used to
admire in a person when we are new in a friendship) are highlighted to us. It's
natural of course. So, out of emotions, we fall for that person. When time goes
by, you'll start truly understanding the person, and eventually your opposite
sex starts to understand the entire "you," particularly after you are
physically involved. More the sex, more you start seeing the other side of your
spouse that he or she has been masking for a while. Believe me, it happens ;) Actually,
you can feel the difference in your spouse’s behavior after sex. I’m not
actually threatening you. I’m just saying that she speaks, expects, and becomes
more possessive after you are physically more involved with her.
It's
an open statement I'm giving you guys that we women are bossy sometimes. We
want our man to scale-up to our taste and desires. I've seen women trying to
change their man. But, I finally found out one truth. Even though men seem to
change for us, they are still them. The only thing happens is that they start
lying or hide certain things that we do not want to know. Actually that’s love
too. Men do not lose their women that easy. They want them in their life. Actually,
according to me, this is the first hairline for breaking the “love brick”. When
times goes by, at one point of time, we are finally realizing that we have lost
the person whom we have loved before, who was pure with us, never lying, never
hating, the person who was he when we met the first time. Actually, I really do
not understand one thing. We fall for a person for those qualities only, but
later on why we try to change the same qualities in him. Why do we do that?
Also,
at one point of time, I started to think in another perspective. Why women act
like this? Usually, women feel insecured when it comes to relationships. That
too, particularly, women who are brought up in non-social societies like India
tend to be like this. We women, right from childhood, are told that our
relationship with parents is only temporary, and only the relationship with our
spouse is ever lasting. So, naturally women tend to have no strings attached to
their parents or siblings like the way they do have with their spouse. Compared
to the olden days, Indian women have improvised in many things; they have even
started dating, becoming more independent, and educated. But, still, when it
comes to a relationship, the angel is slowly turning into a devil. Generally,
women have this attitude: I'm leaving everyone and everything behind just for
you, so you should I should be your first preference. The height of comedy is
we expect men to telepathic and act accordingly by reading our minds. However,
men are really really trying to do that and impress us, but we are still not
satisfied. Believe me, men are learning every day. Only thing is that the
scenario is different every other day. That is why they struggle to handle
things to get smooth.
We
should understand one thing in men. With all due respect, some men really do
not know how to express themselves. They of course do love us a lot, but lack the
skill of expressing it. Women are generally very caring and very expressive. Either
it is happiness or sorrow, we express it then and there. But, men are usually
afraid to do that. It is because, according to them we are still not
predictable. Some men even do not ask how their spouse is doing when she is not
well. It does not mean that the man does not love his wife or girlfriend. He
just does not know it. Though this is funny, it is for real.
A lot
of this has happened in my life. My husband and I used to have big fights only
because of this. When your spouse does not express how he cares for you, definitely
we will forget how he loves us, that he does not say “no” when we go shopping,
or that he has waited one hour for you just to pick you up from the bus stop.
Also, women should realize that men are the ones that are in more need to be
pampered when they are sad and angry. When both of you are angry, in most of
the cases, men come down from the “high pitch” and try make things smooth. The
vice versa occurs in some cases too. I'm now speaking about the “vice versa”
scenario, and I'm one of that cases. I've longed for someone to pamper me when
I was upset or angry. But, it has never occurred in my life as of yet. I'll
come down from the "high pitch" and start to pamper my spouse. Some
men are like that. Actually, I was hurt due to that earlier. Then I realized
that "he is one of them" who does not know how to pamper and still
needs a lot of time to recover. Still that is not going to change that I love
him a lot. Everyone has pros and cons. When we highlight the pros, life is
really colorful.
But,
in this blog, I would like to convey a message to the "he is one of
them" men. At times, your spouse needs to be pampered when she is upset or
sad, because she is in need of that, and she relies on you for that when you
are in a relationship. Rarely, you can come down from your “high place” and
help her. It’s too much to expect that from you, since it is looooooooooot to ask. Lolz ;) However, I know
that it should not be expected. But, it is nice to make her feel once in a
while that your are there for her when she needs you. Just a hug and kiss on
her forehead will do wonders. Sit by the side of her, put your arms around, and
just say, “everything will be fine. Don’t worry.” It’s good to give her that
experience once in a while, right? Also, it is no harm to express her how you
feel for her and how you care for her. You don’t need to buy her expensive
jewels or take a vacation in a five-star suite. Just a rose with lots of love
and long bike ride in late evening (preferably in the ECR with no traffic or
highway) will just do fine. Actually, you would have done this when you were in
the earlier days of the relationship. It does not mean that you cannot continue
doing this even during later times in your relationship. Only you should age,
not your relationship with the one you love.
